Avoid DADDY DANGER!

Now that Mason is walking, running, climbing, learning to throw things, etc., I’ve become concerned about my own safety around the house, not just his. If Mommy and Daddy aren’t healthy and well to take care of him, he’s in danger! That’s why I’m putting warning signs all around the house to warn us about the potential hazards that surround us. Sure, they may look silly, but lives are at stake here!

Here are five ordinary warning signs we see in the outside world that can be adapted for use in the home.

Warning Sign #1: SLOW DOWN

Warning #1: SLOW DOWN!

Purpose: This is pretty straight forward. Toddlers are everywhere, and they come out of nowhere. Move too quickly, and you accidentally knee your kid in the head and feel awful about it.

Locations: Place this sign at sudden turns in the hallway, on doors that children could lurk behind…anywhere a fast move could cause a concussion.

Warning Sign #2: TRAINS ON TV

Warning #2: TV TRAIN ALERT!

Purpose: Little boys (and even some little girls) love trains. Not just in the living room, but on TV. Wouldn’t you know it, Disney has this market cornered. Mason loved watching Chuggington every morning. Second only to Special Agent Oso, this show causes Mason to concentrate on cartoons…and get angry when said concentration is broken. This sign keeps your kid from screaming for no good TV-related reason.

Locations: This sign is best placed wherever your TV is located. Stop and look both ways for trains on TV, proceed with caution.

Warning Sign #3: HAVE A NICE TRIP!!

Warning #3: WATCH YOUR STEP!

Purpose: Toddlers make messes. Toddlers destroy clean areas. Toddlers throw toys. Little toys. Toys that tall people don’t see easily. Being warned to watch where you step prevents toe stubbings, trips, foot punctures, and other things that make mommies and daddies curse and cry. I’m sure parents know all too well the pain of LEGOs. Enough said.

Locations: Place this sign anywhere you have more than three feet of open floor space between you and any destination that may lay before you. Those painful suckers can lurk anywhere!

Warning Sign #4: INCOMING!!!

Warning #4: WET FLOOR!!

Purpose: After numerous spills of significance, I find it a personal responsibility to warn fellow parents of the growing threat of massive spills. Spills are easy to slip on and hard to prevent, but with proper placement, this warning sign can be used to bring awareness to liquid terror.

Locations: Post in the kitchen, near your kid’s high chair, and on every liquid container your kid could possibly ever get their hands on. Consider an evacuation route to escape the house in a quick manner as well.

Warning Sign #5: DON'T BREATHE!!

Warning #5: P… *GASP* U!!!

Purpose: This sign warns parents of the most vile, disgusting toxin in the household: the stinky diaper. I’m sure thousands of parents each year pass out from the sheer potency of toddler feces. Let’s also not forget guests who may be in the residence at the time of a nuclear deposit. Warning people of the silent suffocator is just the right thing to do.

Locations: Post this sucker near the diaper changing area, near the diaper disposal unit, on the diaper disposal unit…even on your little one’s bottom. Excrement is dangerous and unpredictable. Use extreme caution…the sign can’t help you once it all comes out.

With these signs in place, your home will be a safer place for you to enjoy your child’s life, and for you to be a better parent. Remember…if you aren’t aware, you take the dare! Don’t succumb to the parental hazards of the home!

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Comments on: "Five Parental Hazards & How To Avoid Them" (6)

  1. Jenny Ngigi said:

    I’ve hurt my foot by stepping on a small, toy train – 2 in 1!

  2. My 3yo girl left a medium-sized toy car right in the hallway last night. I know that she’s already trying to kill me; the fact that she’s getting better at it is the scary part.

    I kid (halfway) of course, but darned right about the Legos. Ouch.

    I know it’s bad, but whenever I step on one of their misplaced toys and accidentally break it, I am now officially able to stay calm (after the swearing/pain, of course) and use it as a lesson. Someday maybe they’ll even learn.

    • Awesome. That sounds like a great TV idea: “My Toddler Is Trying To Kill Me!” I’m sure at least Spike would eat it all up.
      I didn’t think the mega-sized legos would hurt as much as the originals. I was wrong.

  3. New follower here. Our girls are two, so we can completely relate to all of these.

    I always loved the outside world sign “Slow Children”. First, there’s no such thing as a slow child. Second, if such a child does exist, do we relaly need to add insult to injury by letting everyone know about his or her disability?

  4. […] around, what’s a plunge to the floor? Just another health hazard for Mommy and Daddy. Hey, maybe there’s a hazard sign for […]

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